Confident Mushrooms

I stand there.  Faces looking back at me. Silence.  Mouths agape.  No facial motion.  

No, this isn’t a scene from a horror movie.  It’s what happens when you try to talk to children today.  I have come to call it the “Mushroom Effect,” and have banned it from the school. You may hear “No Mushrooms!!” echoing off the walls of the dojang.

Why mushrooms?  Because mushrooms are silent.  And they have that little hat that partially covers their face and a slightly bent down posture.  Mushrooms grow in dark, damp places and don’t speak up for themselves.  Ever hear a mushroom complain?  Say no?  Say stop?  Me neither.

Many people enroll in Taekwondo to gain discipline, self-control and confidence.  All these things are possible, but all come from little lessons, practices and actions done every day on the mat (and reinforced at home). 

Lack of confidence can lead to self-doubt, which can then lead to a diminishing opinion of self and self-worth. Without a solid sense of self, people are at risk for depression and all of its dangers and vices.

Confidence allows us to say, “Stop!”

Confidence allows us to say, “No!”

Confidence allows us to say, “I don’t know, please teach me."

Now please don’t confuse confidence with arrogance, cockiness or boastfulness.  These are negative attributes when one is OVER-confident or protecting their total void of confidence. Over-confidence can get you in all kinds of trouble.

I know people are shy.  Believe it or not, I’m shy!  But being a Taekwondo practitioner means we have to work on those things in our lives that are lacking, uncomfortable or sub-par.

So in the dojang, we are going to continue to work on confidence.  

1. If someone is talking to you stop and look at them

2. If someone tells you something, respond!  Say “Yes” or “No,” or “I don’t understand."  I think this last one is the crux of the problem with many children today.  Kids are so programmed to be quiet and do the right thing that they are TERRIFIED of giving the wrong answer, or performing the wrong thing.  Remember, the dojang is a place where it’s okay to make mistakes.

3. Pick up your head and eyes.  Confident people don’t stare at the ground or look away when someone talks to them.

4. Don’t fidget and play with your uniform and belt.  It’s okay to be nervous, but don’t move when at attention or in ready position.  This is a demonstration of your confidence and self-control.

5. Kihop!  What better expression of your confidence, your power, your focus, your energy than a great kihop?!  Remember, body, spirit and mind are all inter-connected.  What influences one, influences them all.  Have a strong spirit, and your body will become stronger. 

I believe confidence makes the world a better place.  When you’re confident, you hold your head high and look around.  You’re sure of yourself, and not afraid to interact.  You’re at peace with yourself and aren’t afraid of the differences of others.  You have the power to stand up for yourself, the weak, the underserved and voiceless.  You have the power to do the right thing.  You have that gift to look at someone and say hello, or thank you, or can you help me?  

Having the confidence to look at someone and say “hello” might just make someone’s day.  And if each of us could make just one person’s day a little brighter, the world would be a better place.

So, pick your head up, get on the mat, and train hard.

Beware of falling monkeys!

My master, Grandmaster Moo Yong Lee was in town this weekend to sit on the board for the black belt test.  Over the years, I have seen him many times calm and refocus test candidates as they struggle to perform or remember something during a test.

“Even the monkey falls from the tree,” he will say.  He uses it in his usual calm, kind manner when correcting a mistake.  He admitted to me this weekend that this is one of his favorite sayings.  Its origins are a Korean proverb… 원숭이도 (even the monkey)나무에서 (tree, from) 떨어진다 (falls)

Humans aren’t perfect.  Neither are experts on their designated areas of expertise.  So if you are a mathematician and you solved a problem incorrectly, it doesn’t matter. Even experts make mistakes some times.  Though if you are a wrist watch repairman and you break a watch…just worry more about how you will deal with that customer.

Perfection and its attainment, is a goal of Taekwondo training.  The perfect, kick or punch with power, speed, accuracy, snap.  The perfect poomse.  The perfect balance of spirit, mind and body.

But here’s the secret.  It’s impossible.  You cannot always achieve it.  And when you do, it will be nearly impossible to reproduce it the next time.  It’s the nature of the universe. There must be balance in all things.  Between order & disorder, matter & anti-matter, love & hate, perfection & mistakes.

No one likes making a mistake.  Not even me!  It took me many years to finally be ok with, and confident enough to make a mistake.

This lesson is important for students and teachers in ANY field.   First for the students.   It’s ok to fail!!  Ok to make a mistake.  Sometimes, the way we learn best is by doing something wrong the first time.  We learn how NOT to do something.  Unfortunately, many times we don’t even TRY new things for fear of not being good enough, or making a mistake or getting embarrassed. 

The second part of this lesson is for those of you that are teachers, instructors or parents.  It’s ok let your students make mistakes!!  Our job is to give our students a comfortable, safe environment, where it’s ok to make a mistake.  Force them to work a situation out on their own.  And support them if they fail.  Start with wide, forgiving boundaries and tolerances.  Then make them tighter and stricter over time.

Growing up I had wonderful man in my life, Father George Schemel.  George, as we knew him, was a Jesuit priest that worked with my aunt.  Incredibly kind, and extremely intelligent George was there for me many times to provide support, compassion and guidance. Noticing that the young boy in front of him hated to make a mistake, he explained to me how to handle mistakes and embarrassment.  He told me to let these things hit me like a wave of water, wash over me, and then be gone.  Don’t let it linger.  Be done with it.

One thing I truly don’t like and don’t allow is self-destructive language.  Being self-deprecating and humble is fine, but you should never beat yourself up, or put yourself down endlessly for something.  Bruce Lee once said, “The mind is a fertile place…”.  Meaning whatever you plant there will grow.  Be that positive OR negative.

So…stand up straight; chin up.  Try your best.  Who knows maybe you’ll fail.  And if you do, let it 

wash over you.  Then, get up, dust off, and try again.

Keep training hard and I’ll see you on the mat!

Hey can you hand me that?

Here in America, we hand things to each other all the time without regard for how we do it. Clothes, food, money, left hand, right hand, sitting, standing, passing by. But have you ever thought about how you hand something to someone? How you are standing? What your hands are doing?

In Taekwondo and Korean culture it REALLY matters! Respect for others according to seniority is a pillar of Korea's Confucianist traditions. Seniority is based on age, position in the family, job position, being a teacher, etc.

How you deliver or receive an item demonstrates your respect for the other person. Handing or receiving something with only one hand, or without a simultaneous bow is considered disrespectful.

So here's how to do it right: just remember to stop, stand, use both hands and bow. When you give or receive something small enough to use only one hand (i.e. a pen), make sure your other hand is below your elbow or forearm (palm up), as if the weight of what you are giving is so heavy that you need both hands to support it. As the item is transferred between people, give a bow to the person. Remember, the depth of the bow corresponds to the seniority of the other person. The more senior they are to you, the deeper the bow.

To show even more respect, especially to an elder, use two hands to receive the item as you bow, regardless of the size of the item.

A simple custom, but one that visibly demonstrates the courtesy, respect, discipline and humility that make Taekwondo people great!

Until next time, train hard and I'll see you on the mat!