Dinner with Dad

I had dinner with my dad tonight.  Chicken salad sandwich, green beans, a banana, some fruit juice and coffee.  Nothing exceptional, except that it came on a tray; in a cafeteria.  And my father ate it as he sat in his wheelchair in a nursing home.

Dad’s health has been slowly declining. Losing the battle against Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.  It’s been about a year since I’ve seen him, and the decline was stunning.  I felt like it’d been kicked in the gut.  He’s pretty much completely non-verbal now.  He’s unable to stand or walk, drools uncontrollably, has difficulty sitting up straight, and moans on every exhaled breath.  But he’s IN there.  Long periods of distant stares are suddenly punctuated by a word, a hand reaching out with purpose, an appropriate facial expression or that focused stare. 

I cried today.  A lot.  I cried for the sadness of his current health.  I cried for the unknown amount of time I have left with him.  I cried for all the pain and hardship his wife has gone through dealing with this.  I cried as I realized all the missed times and opportunities.  And I cried as I wondered if I was looking at my future self.  Tears ran down my cheeks as I helped him put his juice back on the tray.  Tears filled my eyes and ran over my nose as I wiped food from his mouth and nose like I did a thousand times for my kids when they were babies. 

As he ate I looked around at the other residents and staff.  Again I cried.  Each of them eating alone with difficulty, fading from their earthly forms.  I wondered what they were before this.  I know what my father was and how alive he was.  So I tried to pick which resident shuffling past me might have been a doctor, or teacher, or a mother, or a scientist?

I cried in embarrassment for the way I thought about nursing home patients and staff when I was a paramedic.  I saw amazing, beautiful acts of simple kindness tonight.  I saw staff holding a hand.  I saw staff directing a confused resident with care and compassion.  I saw staff help a resident put on shoes and a sweater.  Acts that a young man couldn’t appreciate at the time, but his older self, suddenly confronted with the reality that these staff are caring for HIS father, came to appreciate very quickly.

My dad lives in NY.  I live in Atlanta.  I’m not sure when I can see him again.  But I know that even though this trip was disruptive to my personal and business life, it was worth it.  Totally and completely worth it.  I spent good time with him, sharing stories and memories, updating him about our lives, and what the kids are doing.  At one point, while I was telling a story about my son, he laughed.  And I heard the “old” him for a brief, precious moment.  I will cherish that laugh forever.

So how does all of this tie back into a lesson on Taekwondo?  “Be loving and show fidelity to your parents.”  This is one of the Taekwondo rules of Mental Education based on the ancient Hwarang, commandments.  The Hwarang (which loosely translates to "Flowering Youth or Knights") were an elite group of male youth in Silla, (an ancient Korean kingdom) who were trained in martial arts as well as culture and artistry.  It means appreciate your parents and what they do for you.  What they have done for you, and what they will and would do for you.  Reach out to them, say thank you, and tell them you love them.

“Courtesy”, is one of the five tenets of Taekwondo.  Be nice to people.  ALL people.  Regardless of… well…everything.  Just be nice and treat everyone with dignity and respect no matter who or what they are.  As Taekwondo people, we must always try to live by these simple rules. 

So until the next time I see you on the mat….go call, visit, Skype, text, FaceTime, email, or write your parents!

Being a good student

If knowledge is power, why do we waste it? 

If knowledge is a gift, why do we throw it away or not even accept it?

This blog is about being a good student.  Not just a good academic student, or Taekwondo student.  I’m talking about being a good student for everything in life.  Whenever you have an opportunity to learn something new from a teacher. 

So when I use the word “teacher” I mean anyone that is imparting knowledge or skill or information to you.  This could be a coach, teacher, instructor, friend, mentor, guest speaker or even your own student.

So here is Master Mast’s top 5 strategies to use in becoming a good student, and a few things to avoid.

Things to DO to become a good student

• 1.       Have a curious mind.  Be inquisitive, ask questions.  Don’t try to be a know-it-all.  Be motivated.  Motivation is the mental spark that energizes a person for action[1].
• 2.       Be disciplined.  Set up and stick to regular study/practice habits.
• 3.       Be malleable and coachable.  Be open to change and willing and ready to MAKE that change when directed to do so.  Clay is just a formless, shapeless lump when left alone.  But when picked up, and formed, squeezed, pushed, pulled, fired, and painted, it becomes beautiful pottery.  Even stone can even be shaped into art.  But the human mind and attitude will remain unchanged, undeveloped, if attitude and willingness prevent it.
• 4.       Study and seek additional information outside the classroom.  Try to fill in the gaps, or reinforce what you already learned.
• 5.       Listen!  Really listen.  Actively listen.  Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.  Show the teacher you understand or don’t understand as they speak.  Be attentive.  Show respect with your facial expressions and body language.  Teachers respond to the energy in a room so be a source of good energy.

Things to AVOID as a good student

• 1.       Don’t be disruptive. 
• 2.       Failure to study
• 3.       Being a show-off or know it all.  Even if you’re the expert in the room, show respect, humility and dignity to the speaker.  Try to learn one new thing.  Or a variation on something you already know.  Impossible?  Then try to meet someone new.  Make a new contact or friend in the room.

Are these lists complete?  Of course not.  But they're a good starting point.

I’ve taught in one capacity or another for my entire adult life.   As a paramedic, I taught new paramedics during their classroom and initial field training.  I taught doctors, nurses, dentists and other paramedics in specialized training courses such as Advanced Cardiac Life Support (ACLS), Pediatric Advanced Life Support (PALS), Neonatal Advanced Life Support (NALS), Pre-Hospital Trauma Life Support (PHTLS), and good old fashioned Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation (CPR). 

When I was at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) here in Atlanta, I taught public health professionals how to respond to and operate in emergency and disaster situations.  And now I have the amazing, fun privilege of teaching all of you.

Always be grateful for a teacher who cares.  Someone who pushes you, wants you to improve.  Teachers teach because they like, love, believe in the material they are presenting.  They like sharing it.

Being a good student doesn’t mean you’re the best.  Or the smartest.  Or the fastest.  It just means you have good habits and an open mind.

So be a good student and I’ll see you on the mat!

---

[1] Teaching Martial Arts.  The Way of the Master, Sang H. Kim